How to improve communication in a married couple?

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Communication is very essential in a relationship and quite often, couples have difficulty communicating after many years in a marriage. Married couples need to learn how to express their emotions in a healthy manner so that their partners can appreciate and respond to them appropriately. Communication forms the building blocks of any relationship and when two people are married, they will be living with each other and sharing a lot of space, hence communicating in a proper way becomes absolutely necessary for married couples.

Few common mistakes

Couples in a long-term marriage tend to keep repeating small errors which might cause more trouble later in the future. One of them will be yelling at your spouse when you’re angry. Although, expressing emotions clearly are good ways of establishing communication, but the only emotion you are portraying when you’re yelling is anger. In such a scenario, your partner will be transparent only to your emotions of anger and not the message you are trying to send. In the end, your partner might start projecting your feelings of anger instead of understanding why you’re upset and mending the situation. This is a very common occurrence and it can be fixed very easily.

Make sure you are giving out a message and not anger. If you’re upset about something, you should find another way of communicating your feelings without arousing emotions of anger at your partner. You could practice writing down your feelings so that you would be clearer in your head regarding how to explain it to your partner rather than just yelling at them. If you’re upset about the fact that your partner gets home late every night, you could write down how you would like to explain to them rather than shouting at them the moment they step inside the house.

Dealing with the disagreements with ease: Be calm

Disagreements are common in a relationship, but you need to make sure that every disagreement doesn’t have to turn into a fight. If you are constantly thinking about little things to take your spouse down or you are constantly criticizing your partner, you need to start working on yourself. It’s pretty clear that your spouse loves you despite all your flaws so it’s better if you don’t try to prove yourself as superior in every argument.

Most of the times, people will heavy insecurities tend to get sucked into arguments and have that urgent need to win every time. They feel vulnerable even with their spouse around and hence they will literally make a mental list of negative points to point out in an argument. It is all right to have imperfections and that’s what makes human beings. You can’t be perfect, so you must stop pointing out flaws in your partner. If you have trouble talking or communicating about your issues, you must choose another way rather than nagging or criticizing your partner all the time.

Marriage is about ‘we’ and there should not be any word “I”

It may so happen that at times you are so absorbed in your daily work that you forget to be considerate towards your spouse. You may have a busy life with immense workload, but that doesn’t mean you completely ignore your partner’s needs. Communication can be hampered if the partners are too self-involved and in today’s busy life, it is common that after a few years, couples get so engrossed in their own lives that they don’t get time to talk freely and express themselves. Remember that after marriage, one should forget the term “I”. Try to avoid self-involvement as far as possible. Plan the practices which make both of you equally indulge. In this way, you can enhance the communication in an effective way. Just for example, you can choose the route to reach your office, in such a way that you drop your spouse on the way. Let it be time consuming or cumbersome, but this is one of the ways to spend some quality time with your spouse without hampering the routine.

You need to realize that generosity and selflessness will take you a long way. Simple gestures like preparing a nice meal for your spouse or asking how their day went can help make matters better between the two of you. Try to do nice things for your partner and eventually even they will be returning the favor. It’s crucial to understand that the bonds of marriage aren’t dependent on selfish thoughts so let those selfish thoughts pass by and learn to appreciate each other.

If you start altering your behavior, even a little bit, you will notice how fast the negative vibes disappear and are replaced by positive ones. Married couples find it difficult to take the first step, but after that everything is very simple. It may take some time to fix some old issues, but taking the first step will take you a long way.

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