There is no point in crying over spilt milk. Many people realize the mistakes they made after the marriage gets over but that doesn’t help them in any way. It is always better to be aware of the pitfalls in a marriage and take necessary precautions. Here are a few reasons why couples break apart so that you can look for these red flags in your marriage and save it in time.
Not having enough sex
You are busy. You are tired. Most couples lose interest in sex once the initial excitement dies down and the honeymoon period gets over. Sex takes a backseat and the other priorities consume their time and energy. However, do remember that sex is an integral part of a marriage and dearth of it can even lead to divorces. Yes, not having enough sex is cited as one of the most common reasons for marriages to break down. It leads couples to move away from each other, gives rise to infidelity and finally the death bell is sounded one day.
So, if you are serious about your marriage, do find time to get intimate with your spouse. Remember that sex is not only about intercourse. A hug, kiss and cuddling goes a long way in keeping a couple together.
Do not let others in your marriage
This often happens with women. They share their marital woes with their friends and seek their advice. Remember that bashing your husband will not make him change. Similarly, often the husband’s parents poke their nose in the marriage. You must remember that the marriage is strictly between you and your spouse. Don’t invite Sally or Pam or Aunt Jolly into it.
Don’t take it easy
A marriage is never easy and you should never take it granted. It’s true that after the honeymoon period gets over and the initial excitement dies down, you start taking less interest in your spouse. You get too comfortable with each other. You know each other’s habits and can almost predict the behavior and this makes you take things very easy. Beware of this vicious circle. Marriage requires hard work on a daily basis. So, don’t take it for granted and keep the interest alive in it.
Do ask your spouse about his or her day and take efforts to look nice and smell good. Spend quality time with each other.
Not giving each other space
Now, this is a sensitive issue. While you need to remain close to your spouse and take active interest in each other’s life, you must allow some space between to let love breathe. Yes, couples need to have enough space in between to not grow resentful about each other. Too much of familiarity kills love.
Have separate friends and have enough me-time to enjoy yourselves. Go for separate vacations. Staying apart for a few weeks or months will rekindle romance and you will start enjoying each other’s company also.
Not learning how to communicate
A marriage requires a lot of people skills like communication skills, negotiation skills and even delegation and time management. To create a fulfilling relationship both the partners need to learn to communicate effectively. Even when you fight, you need to follow certain rules. You cannot yell at your husband to pick up dirty clothes from the floor and expect him to listen. You need to learn the art of saying things correctly.
Saying insensitive things, finding faults, publicly criticizing the spouse or blaming each other for your miseries are certain things that create stress in a relationship. We should not only learn to communicate clearly but also listen intently.
Expecting too much
Most people get into a relationship expecting to lead a fairy tale life which seldom happens as real life is not made of such stuff and hence they often encounter frustrations and heartbreaks and eventually divorce. What we need to realize is that being humans everyone has virtues and vices and accepting them is the best way to be happy in life. Life can never be perfect, no matter how much we try. There would be days when the spouse becomes grumpy or quarrel about small issues, sex may not be hot always, you may not feel very forgiving, your husband may forget your birthday and you may forget the due date of power bill. This happens with everyone and accepting each other as we are being the secret to a happy married life.
Not discussing about money
It was different when you were dating. It didn’t matter who paid for the movie tickets or the bill at the restaurant. Once you get married, things change and monetary issues come in. You need to sit, talk and decide about finance clearly. Make it clear about how you are going to earn, save and spend your money. Create your own financial rules and stick to them. You need to also address issues like a spendthrift wife or a miserly husband.
Drug abuse, physical abuse or domestic violence are not the main reasons behind failure of marriages. Most marriages fail to work because we do not take proper care of it. I hope you will do a reality check and find the problems that exist in your marriage and fix them today.